Navigating Gender Disappointment
Gender disappointment is a real thing and you should not be ashamed if you are or have experienced it. When I found out that Baby Sole was a boy, I didn’t have a real reaction to it. I felt a bit numb and sad; disappointed in the fact that my idea of having a baby girl wasn’t coming true. When I found out I was pregnant, the only visualization I had saw myself as was a mother to a daughter. I am the oldest of three daughters, grew up with only sisters, and do not know how to be a boy mom so I wanted to stay in my comfort zone.
But the Universe always gives you what you need, not always what you want. I know that having a son will change me, teach me things I didn’t know, and allow me to be a better person and parent in the end. However, navigating through the gender disappointment without feeling guilt was hard and it took me a week or two to get over it.
So again, if you find yourself feeling similar to this, let yourself validate your own emotions and dig into the reason why you may be feeling this way. Take your time with it and then when you’re ready, feel free to try these tips below that helped me.
Tips to navigate gender disappointment (or what has worked for me):
do some self-care routines while you allow yourself to feel all your emotions. Take your time and know that it’s valid and perfectly normal to feel this way. It doesn’t make you a parent and it doesn’t mean you’re going to love your baby any less.
look at inspiration for the nursery or baby products for your baby’s gender. Pinterest does the trick for this and it can help get you excited seeing all the inspo and ideas.
buy baby clothes for your baby. As funny as it sounds, shopping does work. I started buying baby boy clothes for Baby Sole and it helped get me excited for his arrival.
talk to other moms who have the same gender as you, ask to hear their favorite moments with their boy or girl, and visualize yourself in that position. Almost everyone I talked to who wanted the opposite gender said they couldn’t imagine life with the gender they expected after their baby arrived.
join a support group on or offline. When I found out I was pregnant, I joined a Facebook group specifically for those who are expecting in their 30s. Within this group, I found support for all kinds of topics within pregnancy including gender disappointment. It does help to talk to people who have gone through the same thing.
